you see around you everyone has someone in their lives.

either married, engaged, in deep relationship; long-term relationship.

i see myself, not ready.

not ready for marriage; tho i'm prepared.

for kids, for house, for workload, for house chores, for the stress.

but, with whom, thats a question with a major question mark at the end.

i'm turning twenty-two next month, InsyaAllah.

And tho my all time motto and mission is to be a better Muslim, I don't think I'm living up to the motto.

I'm very afraid I don't live up to it.

I'm scared to be questioned by Allah s.w.t for the sins I have made in my past and Masya'Allah, all the time.

delayed prayers, talking-back.

Thats why at some point, i realise, am i still a kid?

MasyaAllah. I need to change.

Its been coming to a year since I he left my life.

And two month ago he wanted me to go

A month later someone attempts to give his shot -- but I turned it down.

maybe, true, i'm still not ready.

You can assume and think i'm a loser, but i'm just a person whose still living with a deep stab in my soul. a complicated person. someone who has so much dreams but doesn't know where to start. someone who is filled with love yet, don't give them generously; for the soulmate-to-be. like i said, i'm still quite scared. not ready. fear of loss, fear to hope.